Divorce cases rise worries mediators
By Abolaji Adebayo
“I and my younger brother suffered for more than 30 years wandering about without getting our bearing in life due to lack of parental care. Our mother divorced our father in our tender age. We suffered for it despite the fact that both of them are alive.
“I wrote WAEC nine times, GCE seven times and JAMB seven time before I could secure admission into higher institution. Whatever might have happened to cause their separation, we seriously suffered for it. And we do not forgive them.”
This is Bro. AbdulHakeem Adeoti, a counsellor, going down the memory lane to dissuade a young couple seeking divorce from going ahead at the weekend.
Despite the fact that the couple’s eight year old marriage produced a daughter, worsening marital relations led the husband to give his wife the end of September to pack out.
His reasons: distrust, lack of respect, absence of love and infidelity.
Her reasons: his husband’s inability to satisfy and meet her needs.
Once again, Adeoti took another slice of his life: he said they should keep their marriage to take care of the child and revive their love.
Using his marriage, he said though married for nine years, he is yet to have a child.
Adeoti is one out of hundreds of marriage counsellors struggling daily to heal broken marriages and protect the family as the basic unit of the community.
The reasons for divorce can be as serious as economic survival and petty as time spent making love.
This played out in a recent divorce case when the wife, a mother of four announced she was walking out of the 10 -year relationship because her husband stayed too long on her during mating.
An Islamic non-governmental organisation, Muslims For Family Development and Advancement Initiative (MUSFADA) which runs a counselling session for couples waded into the matter to settle the case.
The founder of the organisation, Dr (Mrs) Maryam Akinbode, said the society is getting worse due to high level of divorce among the new generation couples.
According to her, no less than 50 cases of divorce (both official and unofficial) are recorded daily in Lagos State.
The figures for the country are daunting.
According to a report in 2018, separation rates in Nigeria recorded a 14 percent increase.
The present statistics mirror a rather negative trend.
Also, in a 2019 report titled ‘Deciphering the high rate of Divorce in Nigeria’, Kano State alone had over 1 million registered divorcees.
More so, in a news report, it was learnt that a visit to the Social Development Secretariat, Federal Capital Development Authority (FCDA) revealed that a total of 20 to 30 cases of divorce are reported at one of the offices daily.
Furthermore, records at the Federal Capital Territory (FCT) High Court showed that over 2,000 divorce cases were filed between the year 2019 and February 2020, with an average of 30 cases being entertained every day, even as the Court is trying hard to reconcile couples through arbitration panels.
Findings further revealed that the figure is higher at the Customary Courts, the Alkali and the Sharia Customary Courts within the FCT.
Dr Akinbode noted that there are more unofficial divorce than official ones, going through court process.
The reason, according to her, may be due to the long process of filing divorce in court and the cost involved.
It was gathered that depending on the court and the lawyer involved, the cost of filing divorce in Nigeria courts may be between N250,000 and N600,000.
ECHONEWS gathered that Customary Court at the local government has jurisdiction to hear only divorce case of traditional marriage or Nikkai (Islamic marriage); only High Court can divorce couples whose marriage is bound by Act – those who went to registry.
Incompatibility and intolerance of couples are identified as the main reasons for the rapid increase in divorce.
In his commentary printed in the Nigerian Catholic Reporter, Ukoma Andrew, the priest of Holy Trinity Catholic Church, located in Lagos, attributed the high rate of divorce in the country to western influence on families, greed, and negative impacts of Nigeria’s dwindling economy.
He stated with great regret that the basic foundation of marriage has almost been destroyed, and consequently, many couples no longer have respect for the institution of marriage.
He said: “Marriage is no longer seen as a sacrament whereby a man and a woman are married for life. The injunction that they will remain married till death does them part no longer means much to a Westerner. Unfortunately, they are trying to impose that on Africans, and particularly Nigerians. Today, people marry for the wrong reasons either because the bride or groom is from a rich home or is rich.”
Of course, such an opinion has a right to exist; however, there are other points of view and theories with a broad index of rationality and objectivity.
According to psychologists, the path to solving a problem should always begin with its acceptance. But, as for the real problem with reducing the number of official marriage cancellations, it can hardly be entirely solved since the very mention of conflicts within a family or a married couple has long been considered a strict social taboo.
Dr Akinbode, a retired teacher, also identified family’s influence as major factor contributing to high rate of divorce.
She noted that divorces in Nigeria are hardly ever discussed in public.
“Family members are often reluctant to admit that a marriage is in trouble since a person who initiates divorce is still not accepted in society. In fact, even the idea of divorce is considered a taboo and unfit for public discourse.”
While the court and some NGOs trying to mend some falling marriages, there are several crucial grounds for divorce in Nigeria, and they are based on unacceptable behaviour from a spouse and bad habits, which can have negative consequences.
A few examples of such factors include infidelity, anti-social behaviour, drunkenness, and criminal convictions as stipulated by law.
